Jose Canseco May Be the Dumbest Man Alive
by Gus Jarvis
Nov 12, 2008 | 1143 views | 0 0 comments | 10 10 recommendations | email to a friend | print
College football is as good as it has been in a long time with the resurgence of the Big 12. The current NFL season (besides the Broncos) is rolling along with a new slate of good teams. Every game is exciting and fun to watch. Example: Monday night’s matchup between the Niners and the Cardinals. What a game. With all of this great sport going on, I must turn my head away from all of this positive sports action to a darker, dumber subject. Jose Canseco.

Have you seen this? Last week Canseco, who is a former Bash Brother slugger, Madonna lover, wannabe author, and all-around cool guy, was detained for more than nine hours at a San Diego Immigration and Customs Enforcement facility after cops caught him bringing illegal drugs into the U.S. This guy is almost as bad as O.J. Simpson… almost.

When I first read this headline in the New York Post, I thought, Hmmm, this guy is a sleaze-ball but what is he really trying to smuggle across the border back into the country? Maybe he is bored and needed to get some cheap Mexican brick weed to pass his restless time out of the limelight. Or, maybe, I thought, his book Juiced isn’t selling so well anymore and he is broke and is trying to score some illegal painkillers to sell to his friends. Or maybe he has a serious drug problem and needs help. All the aforementioned scenarios are more respectable than what agents really found. More juice.

According to The Post, agents caught him trying to bring human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), a fertility drug, across the border. The drug, which is extracted from the urine of pregnant women, helps produce testosterone in athletes who are weaning of steroids.

OK, this makes sense. Normally a prescription is required to use hCG and Canseco obviously can’t get one or isn’t smart enough to get one. The substance is banned by the World Anti-Doping Agency in men only, but is considered a Schedule-III controlled substance in New York.

“We’re certainly hopeful he will not be charged with anything,” Greg Emerson, Canseco’s attorney, told The Post. “This is an incredibly harmless drug. We're not talking about morphine or cocaine possession. Why he attracted so much attention is a bit of a mystery.”

Why he attracted so much attention is a bit of a mystery? Well, Mr. Emerson, nobody likes a tattletale and Canseco is probably one of the biggest, most prolific tattletales known to man. He has no shame in what he does. Canseco is the man who is getting royalties off his novel Juiced that explains who in Major League Baseball has used performance-enhancing drugs, including himself. He has brought down the names of some great baseball players, whether they deserved it or not. Now he is being busted for more performance enhancing drugs. And don’t call this hCG anything but a performance-enhancing drug because, for Canseco, it would seem certain regions of his body have shrunk because of past juicing and he needs more than Viagra to enhance his performance. That’s why this incident, in a nutshell, has caught my and so many others’ attention

I honestly don’t care if he gets busted for the drug or not or if charges are filed. This incident just shows his true, shameless character. At one point in his life he was the whistle-blower, naming names of athletes for the good of the MLB. The next minute he is wearing handcuffs with illegal substances stuffed in his jock strap. Who is this guy? He is not only an embarrassment to baseball and the sporting world. He is an embarrassment to published authors and other, better-minded tattletales. Really, he is an embarrassment to the human race. I have never seen a man with so many character flaws.

Now I have heard that he is working on another whistle-blowing novel. One that will probably sell very well, just like his first. I hope this most recent incident will keep readers from rushing to the bookstore to buy it. God knows, we don’t need any education, or lack thereof from this man.
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