Manchild in Chicagoland: Cutler Plays True to Form
by Gus Jarvis
Sep 17, 2009 | 1401 views | 5 5 comments | 12 12 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Let’s start off by saying that Jay Cutler made my weekend.It had been a long weekend of football at Casa de Gus. My Volunteers from Tennessee looked horrid on Saturday when they lost to UCLA. Notre Dame lost a heartbreaker. With that loss and a few others, I can easily say that my expensive parlay card for the weekend was quickly torn up and thrown out the window – and that happened before the NFL games started on Sunday morning. Things were bad at that point but at least I had the Denver Broncos to look forward to right?


If I wasn’t depressed enough going into Denver’s 11 a.m. kickoff, believe me, my mood got much, much worse. The Broncos didn’t remotely look too good. Yeah, their defense played OK, but shit, this was against the Bangles. Everybody knows the Bangles are terrible and they were true to form.

I don’t know if it was just a case of the rookie coach jitters for Josh McDaniels but from my standpoint on the loveseat, his play calling and clock management were absolutely wretched. He ran the ball when everybody knew they were going to run. Worse, he threw the ball when everybody and their grandma knew he was going to throw the ball. His script of plays did not have the terrible Bangle defense on their toes whatsoever. I mean really, Josh, are those the masterminded plays you brought from New England? OK, maybe you are just saving the really good ones for a real opponent but damn, Denver really lost game. They looked like a six-game winning team.

Lets get Denver quarterback Kyle Orton into the conversation. Is this guy stoned? Does he want to win? Orton just doesn’t have any pop in his step when he goes back to throw the ball. He seems like he is in slow motion all the time. Now I understand that he may have a bit of an injury and was throwing with a glove but that shouldn’t take a NFL QB’s heart out of the game, should it? That’s what it seemed like to me. The kicker, with Orton, is when he pulled a middle school football mistake out of his bag and got sacked with a score of 6-7, pulling Denver out of field goal range on third down. He single-handedly took the Broncos out of the game in one play.

Believe me I was depressed-and-delighted when Broncos wide receiver Brandon Stokley miraculously caught a deflected-Orton-dead-duck-of-a-pass for an 87-yard touchdown with 11 seconds left in the game, giving Denver a 12-7 win over the Bangles.

While the outcome brought half a smile to my face, it did not really deter my football depression because, well, they really lost to the Bangles. Plain and simple. If Denver had snuck that win out against, say, the Patriots, it would be a different story. Those are the games worth sneaking wins out of. Sneaking a win away from the Bangles is as fun as sneaking a game away from, well, the Bangles. (I estimate that 90 percent of Broncoland didn’t even know the Broncos had won the game, because their TVs had been off since the third quarter.)

I stepped outside for a head-clearing round of disc golf before the nightcap game. I couldn’t have been in a worse mood when that game started, but believe me, with what I was about to watch, my mood would vastly improve.

Jay Cutler finally proved to Chicagoland what Jay Cutler is all about: Interceptions. The manchild had four picks in that game and he could have had at least three or four more, had those Packer D-backs and linebackers been able to hold onto the ball.

Yes, Cutler was in true form. Third and seven. Interception. Time for a big play. Interception. The whole game is on the line. Interception. If you hadn’t seen the game, believe me, this is all true. In one series he threw three straight interceptions (defender finally decided to catch the last one).

I was in tears full of laughter Sunday evening with Cutler’s performance. I was giddy with excitement like a seventh-grader on a snow day. Yes, Cutler proved to the world what we in Broncoland already know. The manchild is overrated. And all of a sudden, Orton’s dismal performance really didn’t look that bad. Orton didn’t throw any interceptions did he? No. Orton didn’t run his mouth all day did he? No. Orton didn’t whine like a baby did he? No. Did the Bears win? No. Did the Broncos win? Yes.

I will be hesitant to jump on any bandwagon that says the Broncos are going to be AFC Champions this year but after this weekend’s football action and seeing Cutler fail in the worst way, I have lost all feelings of trader’s remorse.
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October 26, 2009
Bears: 10

Bangles: 45

Cutler: Three Interceptions.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ah ahhhhhh haha ha.

October 19, 2009
Keeping the scoreboard up to date:

Bears 14

Falcons 21

Jay Cutler: Two Picks
October 04, 2009
Bears 48

Lions 24
September 27, 2009
Bear 25

Seahawks 19

J. Cutler 21comp 27attempt 247 yrds (3 tdz)
September 22, 2009
Bears 17

Steelers 14