Send Lawyers, Guns, Money… Well, Maybe not Guns
by Gus Jarvis
Dec 03, 2008 | 922 views | 0 0 comments | 10 10 recommendations | email to a friend | print
Every time I hear the name Plaxico Burress, which seems to be a lot lately, I get the late, great Warren Zevon’s song “Lawyers, Guns and Money” stuck in my head and I am not sure why. Is it because Plaxico is one of the best receivers in the league and is an outstanding role model for kids playing football? No. Is it because he caught a winning touchdown pass in last year’s Super Bowl victory over the Patriots? No. Is it because of the vast amounts of bling he decorates himself with? Well, maybe. Oh yeah, it’s because the young superstar shot himself at a night club last week and the N.Y. Giants have benched him for the rest of the season.

And that’s the least of his worries right now. In case you haven’t heard this first-class NFL daytime drama titled “The Downward Spiral of Plaxico Burress,” the Giants wide receiver shot himself last weekend with a 40-caliber Glock semiautomatic pistol at a nightclub in Manhattan. His buddy and fellow teammate Antonio Pierce took him to the hospital in his car, which I am sure he bled all over because of the gaping bullet hole in his leg.

On Monday he was arrested and arraigned on two counts of weapons charges, one being he didn’t have a permit to carry a gun in New York, and was released on $100,000 bail. His court date has been scheduled for March 31 and he could face three-and-half to 15 years in a state prison if convicted.

As if the law isn’t enough for Burress, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg threw his hat into the ring on Monday by saying at a press conference, “I think it would be an outrage if we didn’t prosecute to the fullest extent of the law, particularly people who live in the public domain, make their living because of their visibility. They are the role models for our kids.” As many bloggers have already put it out across the web, Bloomberg must be a Jets fan.

On top of all of that, the Giants football organization announced on Tuesday that Burress has been suspended without pay, fined and placed on the reserve list for a non-football injury. In reality, Burress may have just lost his extremely fun and high-paying job forever. Just after last year’s Super Bowl and before this season, he signed a $35 million contract. Earlier this week The Daily News reported that it has seen a copy of that contract and that he could lose as much as $27 million if he is not invited back onto the team at some point. Wow.

To add to all of this, Burress will have to find out just what kind of friend Pierce is, as police have yet to charge him with anything but have seized his hospital getaway car as evidence. As of Wednesday morning, charges against Pierce for being involved in the incident or a cover up have not been filed. With that said, Burress is losing friends and teammates fast.

And we have yet to hear from the now-hard ass NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell on the NFL’s stance on all of this. Goodell has showed toughness against dumb ass players breaking the laws recently and this incident would probably be no different in his harsh penalties.

So let’s recap the score here for everyone who is keeping score at home. Expensive evening at nightclub wearing sweatpants and packing heat, self-inflicted bullet hole wound, arrested, possibility of prison time, loss of $27 million, friend’s bloody car impounded, benched from a Super Bowl contending team, Rodger Goodell, never ending 24/7 national news coverage, Bloomberg’s crack of the whip, loss of team’s respect, no more touchdown dances, and most severely being the joke of the nation. Zevon’s song just about sums it up for Burress’s fall from grace.

I'm the innocent bystander

Somehow I got stuck

Between the rock and the hard place

And I'm down on my luck

And I'm down on my luck

And I'm down on my luck…

Send lawyers, guns and money

The shit has hit the fan.

But the feather, if there is one, in Buress’s cap would be that he has hired Benjamin Brafman as his attorney, the same man who won acquittal for Sean Combs after a shooting inside a nightclub in Manhattan and once represented Salvatore “Sammy the Bull” Gravano of the Gambino crime family. So he has that going for him. Next time, I think Burress should take some time out from his bling bling life style and take a gun safety course.
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